[The following is from a transcription of an exclusive interview by the Faux News Network, whose motto is ?We report, you decided long ago not to question anything we say.? This transcription was found in a dumpster near their corporate offices; at this time, the interview has not been broadcast.]
Interviewer: Mr. President, your approval ratings have dropped steadily for months, especially in relation to current immigration and border security policies. It ?
The President: Let me just say something about our borders. All these recent demonstrations ? the liberal media are having a field day with their portrayal of our Latin American neighbors. Nobody mentions the invisible enemy.
Interviewer: Poverty?
The President: Canada! They come and go with their trickle-down immigration, taking American wages back to their families, taking jobs away from American workers.
Interviewer: Canadians, sir?
The President: This threat to the American people must be stopped, one person at a time. I?m the decider and I?ve decided to begin by deporting Canada?s biggest threat to our way of life.
Interviewer: Celine Dion?
The President: Are you kiddin?? I?d catch hell from Laura if I did that ? heh heh ? no, I?m signing an executive order to deport Neil Young.
Interviewer: [tag]Neil Young[/tag]?
The President: Gotta do it. Love his music, though. Heard his new CD?
Interviewer: ?Living With War??
The President: Uh-huh. It ROCKS! You know, I do a duet with him on one of the songs ? heck, if things don?t work out here, I could be his new singin? buddy. Not sure what the song means, though. Especially the title ? ?Lesson Peach The President? ? who or what the heck is a ?lesson peach??
Interviewer: Uh, no, it?s actually ?Let?s Impeach The President.?
The President: Don?t get it. Nope.
Interviewer: Uh ?
The President: And, you know, anyone could listen to this CD at his website for weeks now, even buy what the computer people call ?downloads? of the songs before the CD was in the stores. This cuts into record company and record store profits. What if everybody did this? It?s not the way we do things in America.
Interviewer: Actually, we do, and ?
The President: Another good thing about deporting Neil Young ? he?s going to tour soon with Crosby, Stills, and Nash. The front row seats are going to cost a couple hundred dollars each. Maybe more. Now who?s gonna be able to afford that? Other than me ? heh heh ? and the haves and have mores. I figure by deporting him, it will allow the American concertgoer to see 10-15 shows for the price of that ticket. Plus, there?s the matter of using more gas to drive to all those shows, spending money on parking, food, drinks, T-shirts, making more tax dollars available for ? you know ?
Interviewer: Living with war?
The President: Great CD! I?m a wartime president, you know. Right up my alley.
Interviewer: But have you been listening to the lyrics, Mr. President? They?re extremely critical of your policies and actions.
The President: Well, you know how it is. Who listens to words in songs, anyway? You know, you wanna see something funny, you should be in the Oval Office when I play that CD. Karl plays air guitar, Condi plays drums on Rummy?s head ? she?s a good piano player herself, you know, and he?s such a good sport ? Dick doesn?t like it much, though. He likes Neil?s older stuff. Like ?Down By The River? ? he always smiles when he sings the chorus: (sings) ?I shot my bayyyyyyy-beeeeeeeeee.? Man, he LOVES that!
Interviewer: I can understand why.
For ordering and additional information, visit www.neilyoung.com or go to a nearby record store.
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