Listen & Be Heard Weekly Archives

Where do we go to find meaning & satisfaction in our lives? Is it work? Our relationships? A hobby? For many of us, the act of survival in the high-priced Bay Area is fully consuming our time and attention. The pursuit of meaning and satisfaction may seem a luxury. But not heeding the call of our deeper yearnings and desires may have its costs. Jalaja Bonheim, an author and teacher, has noted: ?When we rush to satisfy our desires, whether for a new car or for an orgasm, we are, in effect, trying to escape the uncomfortable experience of desire itself. We would like to get rid of it quickly, and we believe that buying the car or having the orgasm will accomplish just that.?1 But she and many of her clients have found that these desires never get satisfied because we treat the desires as problems to be fixed, rather than something that calls us into a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Joseph Campbell once remarked, ?I think that what we (humans) are seeking is an experience of being alive.?2 But what does it mean to feel alive? Once again, Bonheim argues persuasively that feeling passionate and alive can only come from actively engaging with our desires. Only she calls these desires the ?hunger for ecstasy.? ?If you want more ecstasy in your life, listen deeply to your body and trust its guidance. Fully inhabiting your body means more than eating well and exercising regularly. It means getting out of your head and into your guts. Like a horse that knows the way home, even though its rider might not, your body knows what ecstasy feels like and how to get it. It longs for ecstasy and grieves when your mind becomes so attached to control that it can?t surrender to magic, playfulness and delight.?3

For many of us, the word ecstasy connotes mind-blowing experiences that take us to the edge and may be fraught with danger or even violence. Think drugs, kinky sex, or even just ingesting unlimited quantities of Ben and Jerry?s ice cream! But if we think of ecstasy as meaning a deep feeling of satisfaction and pleasure, is that really so hard to come by?

During this past year, I left a stable job to pursue more meaningful work with a more flexible schedule. I was, at various times, self-employed, temporarily employed, loving my work or just working to get paid, and working one time or on assignments that lasted months. An unintended consequence of this work lifestyle was that I oftenenjoyed several days off in a row. My tasks rotated from the creative to the mundane and back. At times, I was able to enjoy long leisurely lunches at home, or sleep late some mornings. While, often enough, I would become frustrated at the unreliability and quirkiness of my situation, I discovered what life can become like when not continually dogged by deadlines, clients, paperwork and the multitude of steps we walk each day from home to work and back. I rediscovered the savoriness that simple pleasures like eating, sleeping, taking a walk, reading and listening to music can afford. During this period of time, I discovered that the simple pleasures of life really do satisfy, but only when we can allow these experiences to unfold at their own unique pace, and not according to the numbers on a dial.

(1, p. 102,The Hunger for Ecstasy, Jalaja Bonheim; 2, The Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell with Bill Moyers; 3, p. (2?p. 102, ibid, Jalaja Bonheim)

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